Happy Monthsary!

What monthsary?

Heh, guess who got married on 27th March 2021?

Alhamdulillah, syukur pada yang sebaik2 perancang, yang mengizinkan segala terjadi di hadapan kedua-dua belah keluarga. I still felt surreal. Really. Even when we're at living room watching Netflix together, in car cruising in silence. there will be me saying 'kita dah kawin eh?' and he smiled, we held hands like its a 'yes, we are married'. Funny how the universe works. Nonetheless, welcome to married life farah.

A letter to married Farah.

You are married now. You are now officially a wife to Muhammad Amirul Iman. Promised that you will love him, care for him, listen to him as he is now your husband and love his family too. There will be times where things get too emotional and your heart felt heavy, mouth felt so easy to utter words that will hurt. Pause. If you are in bad mood, dont say things that will hurt. Collect yourself. Sometimes when you have nothing good to say, keep quiet. If you need time, tell him for some space. Max 24 hrs, not more. 

You and him are not the same individuals. There is a lot of difference and ways of thinking. When things happen not the way you want it or expect, remain calm. Respect him as your husband and his decision, as he will also respect you as you are his wife. Trust that he will take care of you, include you in discussion or if a decision were made without you, he always put you first as you are his first priority now. His family may come in picture from time to time but hey, whats all this compared to the heartache and heart breaks, patience of waiting for green light to get married? Remember that Wani when things are hard. 

You have in laws now staying closer to you. Find balance between your time with him and his time with his family. Afterall, they are your second family and you need to make doa for them, respect them and love them. If Iman needs to run chores for them during the visit/out of vising time, let him. Know that dalam banyak2 masa kita bersama di rumah, dia jugak mesti rindu rumah family dia, kakak2 dia. So give him that. 

Communicate well Wani. Good communication comes with good listening first. Communicate not to reply back. But to understand. Dont high your voice as it will not strengthen you points. Instead talk with manners and sane stable mind. Benda tak settle kalau jerit2. Whatever you had seen at home with own family, dont repeat it. Ambil yang jernih, buang yang keruh. Apa yang own family ajarkan/believe, sometimes it doesnt work with your life with Iman now. Be open for new ways with Iman. Go through it and accept with open heart. Dont be judgy and act doubtful. Instead support and have a try. Everything is about try and error now. Accept his ways. Dont expect things to be perfect. You are not perfect either. Believe that he has something to give in the family.

Remember that lepasni you have someone at home to think of. You makan sedap, dia pun kena makan sedap. Makan sama2, solat sama2. Ingatkan untuk mengaji selalu. Jangan tinggal. Sehelai pun jadi. Masak untuk dia, jaga pakaian dia, jaga rumah, bersihkan. Balik kerja dengan senyuman walaupun penat sangat/ moody. You guys are in the same team now. There is no such thing as aku betul, dia salah. Aku menang, dia kalah. Sometimes kena let go benda2 yang remeh. Dont pendam and besar2 kan benda yang kecil2. Jangan ungkit2 benda yg dah settle. Have an honest conversation. Say you love him, hug him after every fight. 

Jaga aurat. Lepasni apa you buat ni semua jadi pahala. Harap bila ingat pahala, lagi motivated and nak improve diri from time to time. 

Jaga aib you dan dia. Jangan senang2 nak mengadu dgn org luar. Ingat, apa yg terjadi di dlm rumah dan di antara suami, hanya antara you dan Iman. If got masalah, talk it out. Settle baik2. Ingat apa atok pesan 'pakat2 ya'. Kalau happy and bahagia dengan dia, cakap dkt dia. Bagitau dia. Thanked him for providing so much for you. As much as bila ada masalah kita kena suarakan, the same goes for appreciation. 

Lowering your expectation doesnt mean u cannot have expectation towards him. Ingat lah bahawa high expectations kills. Maka berpada2 Wani. Kalau dia x mampu, ingat balik segala susah payah dia mengahwini kau dan menyiapkan segala benda supaya kau selesa. Appreciate pengorbanan dia. Dont get carried away with the ego and anger. When theres doubt, talk nicely. 

Ingat sejarah hidup Nabi SAW dalam melayari perkahwinan ini. Ingat semua ini dari Allah, amanah ini dari Allah. Maka pelihara. Dia suamimu, dia jugak kena jaga amanah dan tanggungjawab ini yakni menjaga isterinya, menyanginya. 

Momen2 baru kawin ni ingatlah semula ketika masa susah, masa2 sedih, masa2 sakit.

Doa yang baik2 untuk suamimu. Bersihkan hati, jaga tutur kata. Apa yg kau buat semua ni bakal beri kesan pada benih2 di dalam rahimmu nnti. Be a good mother, loving mother, be a best friend to your children. Dont fight and raise voice. Ingatlah, mulut ni boleh membinasakan. Maka jaga baik2.

Say sorry when you are wrong and at times even when you are not at wrong. Lets just be frank, ada masa kita ada melampaui batas walaupun kita bercakap benda yg benar. Give and take in life. Percaya ini lah jodohmu yang terbaik dari Allah. Maka jadi yang terbaik buat suami mu ini kerana dia sangat menyayangimu.

I cry.